I have created this page in order to set straight a number of un-truths regarding my character and my past that have been circulating of late. In the interest of restoring good relations with those who would be my enemies, I have left out the sources of these lies and will instead focus on merely dispelling them:

I had nothing to do with the Algerian revolt of 1967.

The rumors concerning my affair with lady de la Roche are utterly preposterous. My tax records will clearly show that I did not even own the Twin Beaches Resort at the time.

I know as little regarding the whereabouts of Mr. Hoffa as everyone else.

While I am flattered by the thought, the boring truth is that Rembrandt's Self Portrait, Sitting is indeed a genuine Rembrandt.

The thought that I would instigate the overthrow of Allende  merely to further my own business ends is both absurd and insulting, in light of my well known political views.

I was most definately not responsible for the studio edit of Touch of Evil.

The legend that I somehow served for three sessions on the Security Council is so ridiculous as to be laughable.

Everyone who knew him will attest to the fact that Milton Berle and I parted on the very best of terms, with none of the alleged rock throwing or spitting. Preposterous.

Last, how many times must I insist that although I approved of a number of the reforms, I in no way unduely affected the outcome of the Second Vatican Council?